As part of an ADHD coach training course, the participants of which I was one, were asked to give two words that make us love our clients and two words that makes us it challenging to work with our clients. I don’t specifically remember what my two words were about why I love my clients but I am sure one of them was passionate. They all have true passions that light-up on their faces when they talk about them. But I clearly remember these two words, thwarted efforts. The trainer commented those two words sounded like a blog post so here it is.
While my clients aren’t all the same because everyone is different. There are similarities. Thwart means to prevent someone from accomplishing something. The person they are preventing from accomplishing tasks is themselves. Another way to think about thwarted efforts is the lies we tell ourselves that makes our now better for us or the answer we want to hear but makes our future harder.
Here are some examples:
- “It will be okay if I watch one video before I start studying,” sound familiar? One video often becomes 2, 5 or 10 quickly. Your attention can get stuck on this activity. You find yourself unmotivated to transition to studying which is arguably less engaging. If you take a purposeful pause to think about what has happened in the past when you watched a video before studying or what will happen in the future if you don’t finish your studying, you may make a different choice. Maybe use the video as a reward for doing the homework.
- “I will clean that up later.” You probably truly have the intention to clean up later when you tell yourself that but more often than not later never comes. There could be lots going on here. You may not have a system for organizing your belongings so they is no clear way to clean up. You may have forgotten that you needed to clean up. You may have left out many things so now the thought to cleaning it all up is overwhelming. If you take a purposeful pause to think about the benefits for doing it in the moment or scheduling decluttering as part of a daily routine, you may find so energy to do it now.
- “I can do my homework with my friends.” You just know this is a bad idea. Friends are great. We all need them but at times friends can be a big distraction. If you take a purposeful pause, you could think about what is the best way for you to do your homework, you may make a different choice. You should think about location (kitchen table, bedroom, coffee shop, library, etc) and time (what time of day are you most productive, how much time do you need to finish).
- “I’ll take a quick break to …” If you are taking a five minute break, choose to do something that really only takes five minutes. Or set a timer and learn to obey it. Don’t choose to do something that you know you will have trouble transitioning out of doing. Take a purposeful pause to think about why you need a break and how a short break is beneficial in the long run.
- “I can eat this treat now because I had a banana this morning.” Poor eating habits don’t cause ADHD but ADHD can cause people to make poor diet choices. The smarter you eat the better not just for your brain function but for your whole body. Before grabbing a candy bar, take a meaning pause to think about the fuel your brain and body need. Maybe have a cooking day over a weekend so you have healthy choices during the week when you are busier.
- “I just need to sent one email.” This is what Ari Tuckman, PsyD. would call a slippery activity because by opening your email you are likely going to get distracted by other emails that are in your inbox or even the internet. Don’t sent yourself up to fail. If you really need to send the email right then, set a timer so you don’t get sucked in. If the email can wait, write it on a to-do list so you don’t forget.
How are you thwarting your efforts?
