It is remarkable to me, and constantly surprising, how different my own children are. Not just from each other but from my husband and I as well. I get calls often from parents who are called because they have “tried everything” to help organize their son or daughter but nothing seems to be working. We have a conversation about what is going on. If their child is under 8, I give them some tips about organizing but I don’t work with children one on one with children that young. Most likely the child is disorganized because he is under 8. I work with students who are 11 and up. That is where the real conversation is. Here are some reasons why the “everything you have tried” isn’t working:
- You think there is a problem but your child doesn’t. If your kid has a messy room but good grades. Shut the door so you don’t have to see it and leave him alone-he will most likely grow out of it. You might want to institute a rule about no food in his room or he can pay for the exterminator.
- You set up a system that makes no sense to your child because she doesn’t think the way you do. Happens all the time.
- You set up a system while your kid was out and now he can’t find anything and doesn’t know where to put anything away.
- You set up a system but didn’t include your kid so she has no buy-in to keep it maintained.
- You set up a system that has more steps than your child can or will do to maintain.
- Your teen wants some autonomy (perfectly normal) so he simply isn’t going to do anything you say because it wasn’t his idea.
Including your child or teen is important if you want to have a child who can maintain organization over a lifetime. Talk about why you are organized; less stress because there is no visual clutter, less stress because you can find what you need when you need it, calmness, it saves time and money to know where your belongings are, etc.
Before setting up a system with your child find out:
- What his goals are in organizing anything from binder to bedroom?
- What is organized to her; some people know where everything in a pile is even if piles look messy to someone else.
- How many steps is he willing to do?
- How much time is she willing to put into organizing a day, a week, a month?
- What he thinks the benefits of being organized are?
- Is she an “out of sight out of mind” thinker?
- What keeps him from getting rid of stuff?
These questions are a good start to open up a conversation about how and why to organize. Organizing is a learned skill. I always say we need to be organized enough to be functional. Enough is different for everyone. Help your kid find what works for him.