Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day can be an exhausting time for everyone. When you throw in the challenges from ADHD, it can be an overwhelming time of year. The holidays are supposed to be enjoyable. It is time to spend with family and friends to appreciate the relationships and blessings in our lives. So how does one gear up for this rough yet exciting ride to make it the most wonderful time of year:
- Acceptance – There will be days when your ADHD wins. Days when you won’t get everything done and what you do get done may not live up to your perfectionism. Let it go! Don’t beat yourself up about it. If this didn’t happen, you wouldn’t have ADHD. You are doing your best, and we all have days that don’t go as planned.
Grounded – One of the challenges that people with deal with is their tendency to have best-case scenario thinking. You may be able to think of a time when you had grand plans that didn’t work out the way you thought it would, or maybe this happens more often than you care to admit. You are going to have to be practical about how much you can truly do. Keep reading; I have ideas to help keep your feet on the ground. - Perfectionism – Did you see how I slipped perfectionism in above? Hyperfocusing on finding the perfect gift, writing the perfect holiday letter, or making the perfect homemade gifts may leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Not to mention, unable to complete other items on your list. Your un-perfect gift says, “I was thinking about you” just as well. Or fore-go presents altogether in lieu of having an experience with someone you love. Maybe go to a restaurant or a museum for an exhibit they want to see, or skiing for the day – something that will create memories, become a tradition or at least draw you closer together. Gift cards are a great way to plan an experience without having to cramp everything in between Thanksgiving and New Year’s.
- Planning and Prioritizing – Creating a road map will help. You are going to need to decide what you can do without becoming overwhelmed. That is going to mean writing out in a planner so you can see how busy you are. Most of my clients do better with a paper planner, so I also encourage people to start there. Plan time to relax. Seriously, write in down in the calendar. If you don’t, it will end up looking like open time in your schedule, but it is not. RSVP only go to parties you want to attend, make your apologies to the host saying maybe next year.
- Gifts – I like the “having an experience together idea” above, but if you need to buy presents, have a budget stick to it. It is okay if some (or most) people get gift cards. Shopping online and have the company take care of the shipping can save you time. Or shop with someone you trust in you tend to be impulsive and overspend.
- Holiday letter – break this into chunks, writing the letter, printing it, addressing envelopes, etc. all during the scheduled time that you put in that paper planner. Although I think this is a tradition that can be skipped with all of the social media we are on today, nothing in that letter is going to be new to friends and family. I wouldn’t skip cards if you spend them out for business.
- Travel – I don’t envy you if you need to travel this time of year. One of my clients made a checklist for her family that includes making hotel accommodations, rental car reservations, packing lists for her, her child, stops on the road trip for entertainment, arrangement for the dog sitter, etc. I loved this idea when she brought it up. It took her a while, but now that she is finished creating it, it is a useful tool that she uses over and over. I would write these tasks into that paper planner to make sure you aren’t trying to do them all in one day or days after you should have.
- Hosting family – That same client is now working on a checklist for guests to their home. This checklist is not so much a checklist but questions for the guests to answer before they arrive. It covers things like “do you have a special diet” to “are there are sights you want to see while you are here.” Getting this information in advance will allow her (or you) to plan so entertainment and make arrangements for a babysitter or the dog walker before her guests arrive.
- Self-care – Is there a blog where I don’t mention self-care? I don’t think so. Do you know why? Yep – that’s it! Self-care is essential. You should not be canceling appointments with your therapists, doctors, or coaches to gain extra time. You also need to be eating well, sleep enough, and exercising. So no skimping on those self-care items either. Any tools or habits that you have found to help manage your ADHD challenges should stay in the plan, especially during hectic times of the year.
You are a scarce resource, so don’t spread yourself to thin because you think you will be missing out on something. You want to finish a balance that makes the holidays exciting and fun but allows you to be present to those you love.
