There has been this quote circling in my head for a couple of weeks.
“Don’t get attached to the path for a goal” – I can’t remember if someone said it or if I read it somewhere. Actually, I don’t even know if that is the exact quote; it is definitely to gist. Regardless of where it came from, the idea holds for many of my clients. It begs the question, “does it matter how we attain our goals”? As a coach, I firmly believe the answer is no. At least for the most part.
I have a friend who took the long path to becoming a registered nurse. This alternative path gave her the freedom to raise her children the way she wanted to raise them. Two goals there becoming a nurse and raising great kids!
My daughter is working her way through classes to be a paralegal. It is a two-year associate program; she will be going into her fourth year this fall. She is paying for classes while she works full time. She is also saving money to buy a house next summer. Three goals here are still in progress – becoming a paralegal, not going into debt while going to school, and buying her first home.
You may have a specific goal, or your may not. Maybe you think that you must do certain events in life at a particular age.
Graduate high school, go to college, get a good job, get married, have children in that order. Some people do live that way, but there is no unwritten rule that says that you must. Besides, life can be messy, and it is often the messy bits that can be the best.
I graduated from college, got a crappy job, then an okay job, got married, had children, left the okay job, raised children, volunteered for loads of causes, was a substitute teacher, then a professional organizer, and now a life coach Neurodiverse. This goal wasn’t even on my radar when I graduated from college, but I genuinely believe it is what I am called to do. I knew I wanted to be a young mother, and I knew I didn’t want to parent alone. It is a hard job that never really ends – it just changes. So that goal turned out as I expected. As far as a career, I wanted to help people, so I did that for various people and in multiple ways.
Sometimes taking a different or unexpected path is the best way to get to where you are supposed it be. It may seem that if you take the “less traveled” path or forge your path, you are behind somehow, but there isn’t a giant comic scoreboard tracking to see if you hit all your life events on time. There may be ones you choose not to hit at all.
Goals are great, and I am not knocking them. It would be best if you had a vision for your life. I am suggesting that traveling abroad instead of getting a job right out of college also has advantages. You aren’t behind if you aren’t doing things that everyone else is doing. Different choices have different pros and cons. Yes, some careers will require specific steps you need to accomplish, but there is probably still some latitude if you look for it or if you want it.
We are not in a rat race. The wealthiest, the smartest, and the most accomplished don’t win. You win by living your best life. Only you get to decide that. You will need to ask yourself what actions best serve your values, strengths and who you are.
Here are some other questions to ask yourself:
- Commit to yourself – What does that mean to you? What does that look like for you? Is there a dream you would like to make a reality?
- When you picture your life, what does it look like? – do you have a vision for yourself.
- Who do you want to be? – Think about your character strengths. Not what you do but who you are.
- How do you want to be seen? – What is your behavior like around and towards others? Are you happy with it? IF it needs to change, what could help you with that?
- What can you control? – What steps can you take to live the way you want to live?
- Would life be better if you letting go of ideas, thoughts, or people? Are you will let go of what doesn’t support you?
- How do you want to be remembered? When you are gone from the earth, what words do you want others to use to describe you and your life?
Don’t know the answers to these questions or even where to start? Try talking to a loved one, writing in a journal, or find a coach!
Go the path that serves you and not the one you think you have to take to achieve the goal.