The title of this blog sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. What could go wrong in 2020 during the Holidays?
Neurodivergents need to continue self-care over the holidays every year, but this year is even more vital. We must all find a balance between keeping ourselves safe from COVID-19 and social interaction for our mental health. Since the end of March, the use of or increased use of substances, anxiety, depression, stress-related disorders, and suicide have increased. In light of this, my tips for self-care for the holidays are slightly different this year.
- Let go: This year, more than most, we all need to get over the idea of having or hosting the perfect holiday. Perfect is never possible, but this year it just isn’t safe either. Permit yourself to have a low-key holiday season.
- Keep up with self-care: In general, if you do something for your self-care now, continue to do it. If you see a therapist, continue to. The hour you spend with them is well spent. If you exercise daily, continue to. Exercise is a great way to treat your ADHD. Eat a healthy diet; I know holiday treats a yummy and part of some family traditions; try not to go overboard. This time of year is also a great time to start developing new habits and routines.
- Gift-giving: Managing money is a challenge for many people. This year many people were laid off or furloughed. In industries like the travel industry, most of the people are still furloughed. Usually, my tip here is to set a budget before going shopping and to stick to it. This year it may be a good idea to have a conversation about not giving gifts at all. Maybe sharing a meal with those you live with or via Zoom is enough. If you are nearby and with a close circle of people, play a game or watch a holiday movie together. If you can’t afford gifts this year, consider donating to a charity of the recipient’s choice.
- Divide and Conquer: If you still have a lot to do. Delegate – I know keeping your own tasks clear and on track is hard enough; you don’t need to keep track of others as well. I agree. My suggestion is to discuss with your family (or whomever you love with) who will do what tasks from shopping to cleaning to cooking to sending holiday cards. Post a list with who has taken on which tasks with a due date. Everyone in the family can see this list to keep each other accountable. Maybe don’t list actual gift items so that they are still a surprise.
- Plan ahead: Now that you have identified your list of tasks, find a time in your personal calendar. Looming datelines are an excellent motivator for most but not the healthiest way to get tasks completed. The holiday season can be stressful for many, so don’t add more stress by procrastinating or delaying tasks. If your task is writing the holiday letter, then try doing plan it at a time and in an environment that suits you. Some may want to do it while a partner is cooking dinner, so there is some accountability and the right amount of background noise. Others may choose to do this task when they are alone in their home and know the house will be quiet, and they will not be interrupted.
- Accept family members: If you are traveling and will be seeing family members that aren’t supportive of your brain wiring, accept them for who they are. Talk about difference or lack of acceptance of your brain wiring at another time. Appreciate your opportunity to strengthen your relationship by avoiding topics that are triggers for either of you. Stick with topics you both agree on. If things with these family members get to be too much, find ways to do something for yourself. Some ideas would be to take a relaxing bath, spend time in your room reading or watch something you enjoy, bundle up, and go for a walk.
This year for the holidays, enjoy those around you, take care of yourself, and don’t worry about perfection.
