My daughter is easily over-stimulated. Sounds and smells are triggers for her as well as large crowds, so you can imagine that Christmas Eve Mass was not her favorite place. The church is overflowing with people. The large crowd brings crying children, people who are talking during Mass (rule breakers also not one of her favorite things), and an emphasis on music with a large choir and an all-too-well microphoned band. She would be already on edge by the time the incense burning started. There have been tears.
Additionally, family holiday traditions are expected to be followed. It has taken some time to figure it all out; we don’t have all the answers, but what we do know is that preparation is the key. From Thanksgiving to New Years, can be an over-stimulating time if there isn’t a plan.
What to consider for yourself or a loved one who is on the spectrum:
- If traditions are going to be dropped or added, talk about it in advance. Explain why and maybe compromise.
- Going somewhere crowded like shopping, a party or church?
- Shopping – make a plan about what needs to be bought, what stores need to be visited, how long it will take, what time is best to go shopping. Do you need to go to a store, or can you shop online?
- Party – talk about who will be there, practice small-talk or conversation starters, how long will you stay, and is there a place to retreat to if a break is needed.
- Church – Is there a quieter church service? “When is a good time to leave if you need a break,” “where to go if you need a break,” “how long is a break,” “what coping skill works best in this situation” are all excellent questions to decide beforehand. My daughter now goes to the 7:30 am, which isn’t as crowded and has fewer people, or if that isn’t possible, sits in the back so she can step out if needed.
- Having guests over? – Talk to friends and family about reducing overwhelm. Keep it low key. Learn or teach how to retreat who you need a break politely.
- Dress comfortably – if you know you are going into an over-stimulating situation besides making a plan about the wheres, whos, hows set yourself up for more success by dressing in clothes that you find comforting.
- Praise and love – if you are the loved one of someone on the spectrum, praise them for doing a good job and support them with love and respect when they need a break. Many people with ASD describe being over-stimulated as physically painful.
- Holiday decorations – you may want to add these slowly or keep a space in the home that doesn’t change. Visual stimuli can do difficult, as well.
- Special diet – Many people with ASD keep to a particular diet; be sure that there are options for yourself or loved one to eat. If you are going to a party, you could offer to bring something.
- Overly excited – sometimes, people with ASD are so enthusiastic that they eat too quickly? Have a plan in place about how much food to take and when or if seconds are okay. Sometimes, their enthusiasm is about being with people they love or don’t often see, and they tend to be too clingy or too loud. It is often hard for them to notice at the moment, so develop a key phrase or visual cue to remind them without embarrassing anyone.
Happy Holidays!
